There are three things I've always wanted to see accomplished in my lifetime; a cure for cancer, a space station orbiting Mars, and a Top 50 list of the Gayest Songs of All Time. Well one out of three may not be good - just ask Meatloaf - but I'll take it. The list is out and I have to admit, it's quite comprehensive. The list is a tribute to the enduring power of retro pop and disco gayness. It's good to see "We are Family" making a strong showing at #22, and what gay music list would be complete without a number from Culture Club - "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" checks in at 42. And, of course, the list sports a healthy, if obligatory, dose of the Village People. What gay list would be complete without it? I'd be remiss, however, if I didn't point out a few glaring omissions.
Elton John appears to need a duet with George Michael just to come in at #50. Hello? Am I the only person who's ever heard "Crocodile Rock?" Would it have been such a crime to give a nod to the late one-hit-wonder, Baltimora, and his "Tarzan Boy?" And where the hell is "King of Wishful Thinking" by Go West? I realize the voters have spoken, but c'mon, these are some of the gayest diamonds in the rough.
The biggest problem I have with this list, though, has to be all the cool songs they've included that aren't gay at all. For instance, Dead or Alive's classic "You Spin Me(Like a Record)" was an MTV monster back in '85. I remember how we couldn't get enough of that song at Boy Scout Camp that summer. "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go;" okay, I know it's by Wham!, but my friends and I used to listen to that at our parties in grade school. Our parents said we were too young to have girls at the party but it was still a good time. When the guys got together to play Dungeon's & Dragons on Saturday nights in high school, the "Highlander" soundtrack by Queen would play in the background. With righteous tunes like "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Fat Bottomed Girls," everybody knows there's nothing gay about Queen. We'd spin Paul Lekakis' "Boom Boom (Let's Go Back to My Room) - #39 - at our frat parties in college. Seriously, the title says it all, right? I'll always remember the dance circles we'd form every time that...chorus played. And then there are all the poker nights with the guys..where we love listening to, you know, the Pet Shop Boys...
Aw, hell.
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