Celebmonkey

CBS' Promo Makes Britney Look Like a Cheap Whore

If CBS is trying to generate buzz for tonight's episode of 'How I Met Your Mother' featuring Britney Spears, they've succeeded.  Sadly, the buzz is that the only thing Britney's good for is a sexy slut with little to no acting ability, best used as a prop instead of an actual plot devise.   If this is the 'comeback' everyone's been talking about, the one who'll be most disappointed is Britney, herself.  The show writers had a chance to create something new, inviting, and even interesting with her character.  According to the promo, though, they chose the road most traveled like the other grossly formulaic sitcoms on television today.

There's no doubt Britney will take the attention.  As Neil Patrick Harris' character, Barney, might say her penchant for enjoying the limelight is legend - hope you're not lactose intolerant - dary.  If that's all she was looking for, she'll be happy to know that the world will still think of her as the same deranged, train wrecked little girl she's been portraying the past several months.  It seems to be the path of least resistance for her.

We should probably reserve judgment until after the show actually airs.  It's not as if CBS did something that no other network would have in a promo involving our pop princess.  Maybe, just maybe the snippet we've seen during the NCAA Tournament this past weekend is like the provocative title of a blogger's post.  It's just supposed to catch our attention.  Perhaps CBS has a great show in store for us.  Well, I like 'How I Met Your Mother', but I seriously doubt the show's going to attempt to break any new ground.  In fact, it'll probably just cement the same old sex kitten stereotype with the most eager kitten on the block.

Britney Spears May Move Back to Louisiana, Y'All

Sprained pop star, Britney Spears', dad seems bound and determined to move his daughter away from the "bad influences" of the LA scene and back home to good ol' Louisiana.  He's attempting to get a court order to allow her to move out of California, though she has a pending "driving without a license" charge hanging over her head.

From the outside looking in, this may be an excellent move for the young star - getting away from her two bit, cheating boyfriend, relentless paparazzi, and all the happy booze and drugs associated with the LA club scene.  Britney, however, may not feel the same way.  According the The Sun, a family source says she's been feeling "isolated and lonely" since her father was put in control of her life as conservator.  Interesting.  The complaint sounds more like that of a grounded, pouting 16 year old girl, than a 26 year old successful performer who knows she needs to get well.

To Britney's credit, she has been working and staying away from drugs.  Her turn on the television show "How I Met Your Mother" has been met with praise and she's been shooting another music video.  That's all good, but it doesn't mean she's gotten better.  She's just been subjected to more controlled environments and responded well; like most children who need a little discipline and structure. 

So take a chance, Brit.  Head back to Louisiana.  Eat some jambalaya.  Visit the Gulf Coast - what's left of it - and take a stroll through some crocodile infested swamp water to clear your head.  At least you'll get away from the LA smog and you won't have to worry about quite so many predators.

Entertainment World Braces for Britney's Next Blowout

There's a storm coming.  Most of us don't want to admit it, but it's a lot like what San Franciscans say about the Big One; it's only a matter of time.  You can sense the anticipation throughout the celebrity blogosphere.  Gossip rags across the country are hunkering down for the maelstrom.  Myriad paparazzi have their cameras locked and loaded like the first wave of Marines waiting to take the beach at Normandy.  No one talks about it, but they feel it in their bones.  Britney Spears is about to blow...up, that is.

It is important to note that things haven't exactly been quiet around Britney's camp the past couple of weeks.  Sure she's still in the public eye, but not for her usual antics.  She's actually doing all the day-to-day crap that goes along with being a divorced parent and - shudder to think - a normal human being.  Honestly, though, we just don't think Britney's ready for the pressure.

Look at what she's had to deal with recently.  Her father, Jamie, became the conservator of her estate and she's just been ordered to pay FedX - also known as her ex-husband - 375 grand in attorney's fees.  That's pretty steep for someone who's reportedly strapped for cash and only getting $1500 a week in allowance.  Paris Hilton spends that much before breakfast.  She's taken the time to get career advice from Mel Gibson...eh, yeah.  Now this:  "How I Met Your Mother" star, Josh Radnor was recently on the CBS'  "Early Show" telling Harry Smith how professional Britney was on the set and in rehearsal for her part in an upcoming episode.  Additionally, Radnor had "nothing scandalous to offer" regarding Britney.  What?!

It's obvious this girl's a ticking time bomb.  She's not used to NOT being the spectacle.  And look what she's had to put up with in the last week.  Some high paid - more than 1500 a week - hooker just struck gold with a couple of crap-ass, downloadable dance tunes simply because she was smart enough to screw someone important as opposed to a low talent backup dancer.  Now how, in anyone's estimation, is that fair to Britney.  The girl takes a few weeks off from "Crazyland" and the rest of the world just picks up without her. 

Brit needs to blow off a little steam.  So, call it pre-damage control, but we'd like to suggest a few ideas that might make Britney's inevitable collapse go a little more smoothly.  She could flip off a paparazzo for a quick, easy photo op.  Perhaps she could take a once-a-week trip to the local Quick Trip actually wearing shoes and bra - classy.  How about the next time she goes to court, riding there in the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile - always a good time and very visible.  Maybe she could get pulled over for speeding while not obeying the seat belt law, you know, something simple.

We all want Britney to get well, and hopefully she's on the mend with help from her devoted father.  Anything's possible.  It's best to be prepared, though.  So Britney, do the entertainment world a favor.  Get out there and relax a bit.  Give us a few sane and tame stories to write about.  But please, stay away from making any blow job videos, at least not until a nice long holiday weekend.

Britney Should Do Turn on "How to 'Be' a Mother"

Britney used to be my girl.  I loved her look, her style, and her stage presence.  Then, something horrible happened.  That bright-eyed, fresh-faced angel starting taking herself seriously; and that's death for a true "pop" star.  Just look at Jacko - my god what happened there?  Ok, we all have our theories on that one.  Lindsay Lohan started thinking the world owed her because she was famous.  She bought into the fantasy that her voice wasn't just slightly above average and her movies weren't - mostly - warmed over bags of monkey crap.  But we digress.

So, Britney's due to appear on at least one episode of CBS's "How I Met Your Mother" on March 24th.  She'll play a receptionist that falls for the main character, Ted.  That's certainly different that the role we thought she was born for; a former psychotic girlfriend who's still in love with Ted.  I know the real role will be a stretch for her but she'll probably do fine.  Britney, though, doesn't need to be spending time on the small screen set.  She needs to be at home collecting her $1500 per week allowance, getting some exercise and plenty of rest, and focusing on how to be a mother; in general, pulling her shipwreck of a life together.

This is your chance, Brit.  Give yourself a real break.  Focus on finding your center and what made you healthy and happy, you know, like your children.  Take some walks with your dad, whatever it takes.  Maybe after a few more months you can consider stepping back into the non-tabloid public eye by taking a small tv or movie role.  Perhaps you could even enter the studio and, one day, put out an album that won't make babies cry.

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Britney's Dad Legally Permitted to Sponge Off His Daughter

Let's face it, being rich, famous, and crazy is just a bad combination.  It seems that the wealthier you are, the more likely some free loading family member will claim it's in your best interest if they control your money.  According to TMZ.com, the judge hearing Britney's case has ruled that Jamie Spears may take an allowance of $2500 per week plus a car lease as payment for being the conservator of her estate. 

Nice "allowance."  Now if he can just save up his cash from his part-time greeter job at Super Target, he can get that remote controlled helicopter he's been dreaming about all these years.  Okay, to be fair, he's actually a caterer and perhaps Mr. Spears is finally stepping up to the plate and just trying to do right by his daughter.  He did claim that he'd like to give up the conservatorship before the July 31st deadline set by the judge if Britney's mental state improved.

The truth is, it's about time someone in her family stepped in to do SOMETHING.  Britney Spears isn't a train wreck.  She was a train wreck two years ago.   Today, at the ripe old age of 26, Britney is exhausted, used-up, and lost.  Where was Daddy back in the "Mickey Mouse Club" days?  Where was Daddy when his 16 year old daughter was singing "Hit me, baby, one more time!" on MTV wearing just a skimpy schoolgirl uniform?  Did anyone do anything to help this girl keep a level head over the years?

So now, taking care of your kid is worth 2500 bucks a week; $2500 just to make sure no one "else" takes advantage of your baby girl?  Good luck, Jamie, and remember that there are a lot of folks who would do that job for free.

What Do You Get When You Cross....

Oh no they didn't!  Heidi Montag and Britney Spears sing a duet?  Unfortunately, yes, and if you don't think you'll miss your hearing at all, you can listen to it here. 

This combination might seem illogical, but when you think about it, it starts to make sense.  Two blonde attention whores who would do just about anything for media exposure and/or money?  The only difference is that I think Britney still has some talent buried beneath all her mental health issues, and Heidi... well.  You've seen her latest video, right?

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