Celebmonkey

J-Lo Wants To Make Men Smell

 

Jennifer Lopez is releasing her sixth fragrance this summer.   

The fragrance notes for Deseo for Men include "lemon, cedar, tobacco leaves, vanilla and more."   You know what, that sounds exactly like Old Spice.  In a fancier bottle and at five times the price, of course.

Of her new scent, J-Lo said:

“I wanted to capture the intimate and personal nature of a man who is sexy, yet strong."

Now you know she's not talking about Marc Anthony, being that he is neither sexy nor strong.  If he had any muscle tone whatsoever in his feeble body, I'm sure he'd hunt down the dude she's referring to (is it the dude in the ad??) and at least threaten to beat him up!  Also, I'm pretty sure that she was actually inspired to cover up the smell of rotting flesh that must certainly emanate from Marc all the time.

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Point/Counterpoint: What Are J-Lo's Babies Really Worth?

Gossipmonkey Said:

Of course J-Lo's babies are cute.  I'm female, and everyone knows that nearly every female is hardwired to find ALL babies cute to some degree.  And they're twins, which naturally doubles their adorability.   And you know, despite her terrible fashion sense (she stomped on Natalie Portman today in GFY's Fug Madness Madonna Bracket) and her well-documented bitchy diva attitude, J-Lo is really a very attractive woman.   I don't know why the stylists chose to make J-Lo and Marc (especially Marc) look like soft-focus country club patrons about to ride off on their polo ponies, but hey - creative license. And I'm sure they were thinking about Max and Emme's future too, because really, imagine how they would feel later if in their first public baby pictures their parents were dressed as a Latino gangster and a crazy bag lady who's been stealing her outfits from Forever 21's dumpster? 

Cuteness therefore established, the question still remains:  are these pictures worth $6M?  My answer is a resounding NO.  They're BABIES.  Cute babies, but in the end, just BABIES.  I've seen cuter (and I'm not even just talking about my own, either).

Slave2Celeb Said:

For being the child of a famous pop star/mediocre actress and the undead demon-lord - Skeletor - from another universe, Emme and Max could easily pass for human babies.  Granted, little Emme Maribel does look like she's busy plotting the earth's takeover while mentally relaying important information back to the "Glorn" secret base on Mars - no wonder all those expeditions failed.  That doesn't take away from the fact that, to the best of our knowledge, they are human children. 

Look, I mean no disrespect, but with a mixed background such as theirs - a human woman and an otherworldly, sorcerous warlord - these children can't exactly be expected to look completely normal.  I'm happy they're healthy.  But it appears People magazine grossly overpaid for the exclusive pictures of a new alien species.  I can see why they were willing to pony up the $6 million, though.  Who knew that two people with an ass like hers and a face like his would produce children who could, at the very least, pass for human.  Sorry People, it wasn't the shocking discovery you were probably hoping for.

I suppose when I have children I could just send a picture of my cro-magnon features to "Pre-Historic Monthly."  Maybe I can make a couple of bucks off the anticipation of never before seen photos of my missing-link offspring.

First Look At J-Lo's Twins - Tomorrow!

As we reported earlier, People bought the rights to the first pictures of J-Lo's twins for a jaw-dropping $6M.   

For that amount of cash, they shouldn't have to settle for delayed gratification.  And they're not!  Emme and Max are not yet a month old and they've already been subjected to their first photoshoot - for this week's issue of the magazine.

People.com reveals the cover tomorrow morning - Thursday, March 20 - at 7:00 am Eastern.   

If you're dying to get a look (c'mon, you know you want to see whether these newbies take after their mom or dad!), click here, bookmark the link, and set your alarm!

And just to whet your appetite, check out this video where People editor Peter Castro dishes about his interview with Jennifer and husband Marc.

By the way, even though a People rep called the rumors that part of their first pics deal with Lopez was to stop calling her J-Lo "absurd," they don't use it in their most recent mentions of her.  You know I'm going to be scouring that rag mag now to see if they do or don't call her J-Lo!!!

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Jennifer Lopez Just Too Damn Old To Be Called J-Lo Anymore

Maybe it's the pressures of motherhood.  Perhaps the stress of a couple of poorly selling albums has her worried about the state of her singing and failing acting careers.  More likely, she's just too old for it now.  But recently, Mrs. Skeletor has decided that she no longer wants to me called J-Lo. 

According to TMZ.com, J-Lo recently sold first rights to the baby pictures of her twins, E-Skel and M-Skel, to People Magazine for $6 million.  There is a caveat, of course.  No one sells baby pictures that cheaply without a condition or two, right?  People, not just the magazine but people in general, are no longer allowed to call her J-Lo.  Apparently, the "J-Lo" title was good enough to help sell 15 million albums in 2001 and 2002, but now it's just gauche.  She's a mommy and has to think about how her career is maturing.  She'll never win that Oscar for best actress in a cheesy, overly formulaic romantic comedy with such an immature nickname.

What the artist formerly known as J-Lo doesn't understand is that few people ever outgrow a nickname.  She received it, she played it up quite successfully, and she's stuck with it.  She's should be proud.  It could be a hell of a lot worse.  Does anyone think that Big Pussy from "The Sopranos" ever, for one second, considered giving himself that moniker?  Hardly.  Over time, though, you learn to live with and eventually embrace it.  Besides, changing nicknames is a lot like cosmetic surgery; once you open that box it's very hard to close it again.  Things can quickly spin out of control.  What happened when another famous R&B artist started dabbling in name-changing: Puff Daddy, Puffy, P-Diddy, Diddy, and finally...Sean.  Frightening.

Oh well, if J-Lo really doesn't want to be J-Lo anymore, that's fine.  Good luck, though, turning that ship around.  She'd have better luck just legally changing her name to Mrs. Skeletor.  I'm sure those Oscar-worthy roles would start pouring in in no time.

J-Lo Cartoon Babies?

Reuters reported on Friday that J-Lo and Skeletor have named their children Max and Emme.

Anyone who has had a kid who watched PBS at any point since 1999 knows that Max and Emmy are the names of the main human characters on Dragon Tales.  This show is the Dora the Explorer of public television - featuring adventurous kids who learn a few random Spanish words along with valuable life lessons. 

It's cute enough, but my kids were obSESSED with it when they were small.  Every night my older son wanted me to tell a story about him, set in Dragon Tales.  He outgrew it just in time to avoid Mommy blowing chunks all over the room.

Now I have to give them credit - at least they didn't give their kids "unique" names like Speck Wildhorse or Jermajesty or Moxie CrimeFighter.  The potential was definitely there, so they get major credit for resisting the temptation.  I do hope for J-Lo's sake that her Max and Emme don't grow up to be like the cartoon version - Emmy the bossy older sister, and Max the whiny, stubborn little brother who never listens.

(PS:  I'm also wondering, did she choose the name Max before Xtina named her baby Max?  Coincidence, or sign of a new Hollywood trend?  Just curious.)