Hookers Help Dow Jump 416 Points in One Day

When Eliot Spitzer took down insurance broker Marsh & Mclennan, he upset more than a few people.  Many wonder if the insurance broker and its main accomplice, AIG, will ever recover from the $850 million in fines.  In 2002, Spitzer got several Wall Street banks to pay a $1.3 billion in fines for allegedly misleading smaller portfolio investors to help pump up their corporate investments.  He even exposed abuses in the mutual fund industry, eventually forcing at least $2.3 billion in "restitution, penalties, and reduced fees."  His "take no prisoners" attitude toward prosecuting big business in New York earned him the nickname, the "Sheriff of Wall Street."

Yesterday, Governor Spitzer admitted to some sort of impropriety involving a prostitution ring known as The Emperors Club.  He apologized to his wife, family, and the people of New York for...something.  It's just not clear for what, exactly.  Maybe it's for spending 5 grand for ONE HOUR with a prostitute....now that's unforgivable.  What is clear is that he didn't apologize to Wall Street.

So it's not surprising that the Dow closed up 416 points today after news of Spitzer's alleged whore mongering was released.  There's nothing hotter than seeing the squeaky clean "do-gooder" fall from grace, and he was the proverbial poster child.  Spitzer's name is still whispered in the halls of major insurance companies as some sort of "bogeyman."  Wall Street was ready for a little payback, compliments of the Justice Department and a couple of ridiculously high priced call girls.  Some will argue that the bump may actually have more to do with news that the FED is cutting interest rates again.  But we know the truth.  Investment firms all across New York are popping bottles of champagne tonight.

Fortunately, this whole ordeal gives us an excellent lesson in finance.  If you want investment firms, banks, corporate investors, major brokerage houses, and filthy rich private investors to temporarily prop up the stock exchange, give them some happy news.  They love happy news.  Who knew that the world's oldest profession was so good for the economy?